Reminder

There are moments. Small ones. Unexpected. Unplanned. Moments when I remember why I got into teaching. I'm talking about the very very first reasons I got in to this job. Before I found a love of teaching Algebra. Before I realized I loved teaching middle school. Before I had a passion for imparting learning. Before all that. Freshman year of college. Picking a major. When I imagined I could make lives better. I could make students happy. I could, if I did this well enough, change the world. It didn't matter what subject I taught or even how I taught it. I just wanted to be a part of education.
It's not that I don't still hope for that. It's just, as I get deeper into the practice of education the focus of my passion has shifted. I think it had to. The hardest truth in teaching is that you can't save every child from the world just by wanting to. Not every student will love my course just because I care about them. The problems outside the classroom are big and so many lives, even in a nicer school like mine, are sad. It can consume me if I don't put a little distance between me and the outside world. So, I focus on what I can control. I can control the math. I can control the instruction. I can control my room. I make my classroom safe and I keep my standards high. And if I do my job well, I can give each student a fair and equitable shot at taking control of his or her life through a better education.

But then.....

one moment, one conversation, one goodbye reminds me that i am still effecting lives.

 that i do more than teach math.

i can still give hope to students that feel hopeless.

suddenly the day stops. for just a moment. It gets real. i see a student clearly, really clearly, for the first time.

Then, I pull it together. Wipe away a few tears. Put my head up, put a smile on, and head back in to my classroom.

A moment like that feels so bittersweet. So full of regret, so full of hope. I am so thankful to this student, this unexpected student and this unexpected moment.

Weekend Work Well Spent

When I started at my middle school four years ago, the school had just taken on the challenge of become a Middle Years Program school under the IB program. At the time, just happy with a job, I thought little of it. I set up my classroom and focused on surviving my first year in the school.  I've spent the last three years talking about the program at staff meetings, sharing the stress of authorization, and trying to make sense of all the pieces of such a large program. Still, it didn't feel as though I had figured out what this MYP thing really stood for.
So, when a training made it's way in to town I jumped on it. How could I pass up a chance to get formal training from the IB program, from the people who know it best and understand all the pieces and philosophies? It meant giving up a weekend, but I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.
And what a weekend it turned out to be. I really REALLY read the IB mission statement for the first time. Not just a glance as I poured over documents- but a really good look at it:

The International Baccalaureate aims to develop inquiring, knowledgeable and caring young people who help to create a better and more peaceful world through intercultural understanding and respect.
To this end, the organization works with schools, governments and international organizations to develop challenging programmes of international education and rigorous assessment.
These programmes encourage students across the world to become active, compassionate and lifelong learners who understand that other people, with their differences, can also be right.

As our presenter said-- it's unabashedly optimistic. That phrase, "unabashedly optimistic", pretty much sums up my attitude towards public education, and reading the mission statement almost made me feel like I had found a kindred spirit. Suddenly, it hit me. This is not just one teacher I found to talk about how the world can be better through education- this is an entire global connection of educators who not only believe this, but have worked to make it a systematic and implementable thing

So, for three days, I just absorbed. Words I felt like I've just been floating in for the last three years became tangible and real. Ideas that felt unfocused and out of reach in my past MYP work became focused and doable.

I got the energy surge.

The surge. The desire to work, work WORK until I get this right. To go to work early, to stay late, to think, to struggle. The desire that drives me when I know something must be done because I can make things better and brighter for my students. I can make things stronger and learning better- and when I suddenly realize I have the tools and knowledge to do this, I can't rest until I do. How could I?

spark

The weeks get long through September and October. There are few breaks and by October the honeymoon period passed long ago and we are truly into The Grind. Days end with me sitting in front of a desk covered with stacks of things I just don't want to deal with.
But then, there are these moments. These sparks that keep me going. Right now I'm well into a unit I particularly like. Square roots, Pythagorean Theorem, distance on a coordinate plan... some really wonderful topics that I've come to love teaching. Not only that, I believe I've become really GOOD at teaching this particular unit. I have a groove, a flow, a method to my madness.
So today, as we are working through problems, kids with mini whiteboards and me running around the room offering help, checking in, and having an all around good time, a student says, "It just really seems like you WANT us to learn."
Yeah. That felt good. Suddenly my tired feet were not so tired. Today, I just felt the good vibe in the room- like the students picked up on my desire for them to learn and love math and that vibe moved through them and radiated back to me.
And that's the spark that will get me through these next few dark and rainy weeks. Because, today it was a spark... but tomorrow... who knows?

Yup, this is what I'm meant to do.

"Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."Alice in Wonderland.
 
Yes. This week came together so beautifully. So splendidly. So wonderfully. And yes, I have fantastic students this year that just go with things and work hard and get the job done. But even so, I'm going to take most the credit for this week. Because this week, in my classroom, I proved why not just anyone can do this job. Why it takes training, practice, and specialization to really teach and to really teach well. Yes. I'm tooting my own horn. toot. toot.


This week I looked across a room of 30 some students and for five days each student worked on assignments tailored for him or her. Every student worked at his or her own pace. Every student got attention from me. Every student showed growth. And it seemed to me that every student felt success. Even I, with all the planning I put into this week, never thought it would go THIS well.

A little background. This is 8th grade. At my school every student takes the same math and learns the same things until the very last trimester of 8th grade when we split students based on the high school class they are going to. Many students will go on to Geometry next year, but about 40% who have struggled with the math this year will take Algebra next year. This does not reflect poorly on the student. Geometry is considered ahead of grade level. My school paves a different path than other schools by pushing every student to the highest level until the last moment possible.

But the fact remains, I have one class(those students that are bound for Algebra) that now has a WIDE range of abilities and has ALL of my lowest students, where before those students were spread out in all my classes. I have students that are behind by many grade levels and students that are almost geometry ready but just need a little more practice to get the foundations in place.

It presents a challenge. The greatest kind of challenge. The kind of challenge that any passionate teacher should get excited about (even if they get exhausted by it) HOW DO I MEET THE NEEDS OF EVERY LEANER? How to I let the high kids fly ahead and explore topics deeply? How do I provide the review and concepts for the students who struggle not just with math but with reading, writing, social skills, motivation, etc, etc. And how do I do it in a way that allows me to keep my sanity? I can't sit down at 4:00pm every night and make 35 lesson plans. But at the same time, I need a system that allows for 35 different abilities.

And this week I did it! The unit was solving equations. I made use of every resource I have. The help I get for 20 minutes three days a week from the ESL aid. And the help I get from the SPED teacher for 30 minutes three days a week. They were kept busy. I sent out a call for computers sitting in classrooms and managed to put together a "mini lab" of five ancient computers that I start up when I first get to school because they take 20 minutes to boot up. (Not to mention, they are squeezed into a corner of my packed classroom... but they are there! And working!) I had files of assignment choices at all levels, every student had a plan that was partially taylored by me based off of pre-tests, but also allowed for choice on his or her side.

Yup, this week felt great. It all worked. Crossing my fingers for success again next week. But seriously. I wish I could show this to the public. The careful planning, the execution, the work that goes into a truly successful classroom. I am public education. Hear me roar.