Balance

Everything has changed. It's Sunday morning and I'm getting myself mentally ready for the week. Lessons planned out, papers graded, the continual countdown of days until summer break. But, as I do all this, my baby girl sleeps in my lap. Snoozing on the bed with me on this lazy Sunday. Out of nowhere, five months ago, I became a working mom. For three months I stayed home, nurturing and loving my newborn baby. Someone else took over my classroom (it didn't go well... and I'll leave it at that) and I focused all my love and energy on FAMILY.
Then, in March, I started back in the classroom. It's all the same... but it's all different. I don't have the luxury of long hours any more. And I need them. How do I do what I used to do from 7am to 5:30pm in a time slot of 7:30am to 4pm?
I'm tired. Always. Always. Always. My patience hovers precariously close to nonexistent. Always. My brain moves in and out of focus. Always. I have visions of curling up under my desk and sleeping during lunch time.
I give up 15-30 minutes of my plan time each day so I can pump milk for my daughter. Again, I must find ways to do what I did pre-baby in less time.
I still have to find a way to do it all, because one thing hasn't changed. My devotion to this job. I refuse to be anything less than excellent as an educator. So even with the challenge of finding the balance of work and motherhood, I will find a way to do my job and to do it well. Every day. No excuses. I give my students no free passes- no excuses for late homework because of sports, illness, babysitting, family events. So I don't get one either. They still deserve everything I can give.

So, as always, I look for balance. I leave work at work and come home and let myself be all mom. At school I put up pictures of my daughter and I think of her when things get tough. Because it goes both ways. As much as I will work hard every day for my students, I will give my daughter the best of me as a parent. That will always come first. I guess that's what has changed. I still love my work. I still care about it above almost everything. Almost. That "almost" represents the new part of my life. Because one little girl gets the spot right above my work. From there, I'll find a way to get everything else to fall in to place.

spark

The weeks get long through September and October. There are few breaks and by October the honeymoon period passed long ago and we are truly into The Grind. Days end with me sitting in front of a desk covered with stacks of things I just don't want to deal with.
But then, there are these moments. These sparks that keep me going. Right now I'm well into a unit I particularly like. Square roots, Pythagorean Theorem, distance on a coordinate plan... some really wonderful topics that I've come to love teaching. Not only that, I believe I've become really GOOD at teaching this particular unit. I have a groove, a flow, a method to my madness.
So today, as we are working through problems, kids with mini whiteboards and me running around the room offering help, checking in, and having an all around good time, a student says, "It just really seems like you WANT us to learn."
Yeah. That felt good. Suddenly my tired feet were not so tired. Today, I just felt the good vibe in the room- like the students picked up on my desire for them to learn and love math and that vibe moved through them and radiated back to me.
And that's the spark that will get me through these next few dark and rainy weeks. Because, today it was a spark... but tomorrow... who knows?

Remember Mr. Rogers?

Remember Mr. Rogers? Fred Rogers- hero of children's programming, in his quiet unassumming way. Remember how you knew exactly what he would do when he walked in the door singing his song? He would change his jacket, put on the sweater. Zip it all the way up, and then half way down. Change shoes- always tossing the show from one hand to the other. Remember? It took me over 20 years to figure out that his little regular activities may very well have been the key to his success.

After a few years now in this job, I've found the key remains in having a routine. Wait. Strike that. In having routines. Plural. Routines for everything. It's the challenge I'm finding being in a new classroom. What are the routines? I tried to start this morning, even though I didn't have students today.
 Walk in. Hang jacket in closet. Set down bag. Turn phone to silent. Turn on computer as I walk by. Go to windows. Open them, turn on fan. Come back to desk. Unload bag- lunch, important items, etc. Put bag in closet. Sit at desk. Check email. Look over to do list from day before. Breath. Start Day.
Having routines for myself, important, yes. It's what keeps piles from building up on my desk. It's what keeps me caught up on grading. It's what ensure I'm not forgetting anything. BUT, even more important, routines for the students. Routines that are sensible, logical, teachable, doable, and easy to maintain.
I think the advantage I have in this point of my career over the myself from the early part of my career is understanding exactly what that last sentence means. It means NEVER assume students will just figure it out. It means NOT changing systems mid year, even when the system in place could be improved- wait until next fall for that change. It means taking the first two weeks to slowly and methodically teach these routines as they organically appear during the lesson.
What do I mean by routines for everything? To name a few: Starting class, turning in work, handing back work, bathroom breaks, sharpening pencils, test taking, group work, daily flow of class, giving of information, ways for students to ask for help, partner work, portfolios.

My goal in planning to first two weeks is to let the oppertunities to teach these routines arise naturally. Going over every routine in the first two days is A) BORING. For the students and me B) POINTLESS. Students won't remember something taught out of context C) A waste of the best few days of school- the days you have the most captive and eager audience. Let's learning something, do some math, get our brains going.
So what I do is put all the routines/rules/classroom details that need to be taught on little post-its. Then, as I look over the lessons I have planned, I see where they will fit. Oh, are we coloring our "Who I am" poster on day two? Stick a post-it in my plan book. What a great time to teach where student supplies are and where they are NOT (Read: don't touch my desk). Turning in our first homework assignment? Stick a post-it in my plan book.  Great time to show off the turn in baskets and talk about my crazy homework policies.

So anyway, that's what my brain is full of now. Do I have everything in place? Have I figured out all the bits and pieces that need to be taught? Do the first couple weeks look smooth, interesting, and informative for students? I sure as heck hope so, because I've been thinking so much my brain hurts.

my first chance

NBC nightly news came to school today. And I interviewed about... I don't even know what. It was nerve wracking and crazy and I'm sure I said all the wrong things. But at the same time, I hope I represented my profession fairly and honestly. Because I hope I find many more opportunities to be an advocate for this profession I hold so dear.
But then it was over and I got back to the business of teaching. Copies. Seating charts. Grading. Meeting with kids who need a behavior reality check. Planning a department meeting. Getting emails sent out.
And oh yeah. At some point I actually had to teach. Excuse the cliche but thank GOODNESS it's Friday.

February, dark and dreary.

The rain, the cold, the dark, the day in day out. Ugg. I have the blahs. Dark mornings I trudge into school, dark evenings I trudge out. Students are fine... but also not fine. Lessons are good... but not great. My cute professional outfits give way to jeans and cozy sweaters (or sweatshirts). We need change. We need energy. We started a new unit... but even that feels old. New seats for the students... but already they seem stale. Grading piles up- mocking me from the turn in basket. But who has the energy to attack it?

We need a shake up. Sunny days, outside lessons, inspiration and connections for the learning.
And... I could use smaller classes. The 37 kids are wearing me down. It feels awful even complaining about that, my students are so awesome this year. But, no matter how awesome, 37 wears a person out. I start to worry about next year. More kids, same small classroom. 

With two weeks left in trimester two, I'm just hanging on. Trimester three brings big changes. Class schedules shift and we start the final push to get kids ready for high school. As important as it is to finish this trimester strong (and believe me, we are working hard!) I'm already anticipating what comes next. The start of trimester three. Fresh start. New lessons. Sunshine (fingers crossed). 

Whew

Was winter break really only one week ago? Five days can shock that holiday right out of the system. I felt a little like a zombie off and on this week- which made for a shaky week of teaching. But, in the end, it felt good. We made progress. Plans came together. Lots of work ahead of me this weekend. I have this dream of linear stations--- but there are a lot of hours of pre-work time that needs to happen before the stations are student friendly. So, the weekend will be a quiet one. Me, the husband, the cat, and lesson plans.

thoughts on the day.

Thank goodness the rain stopped for the fire dill. Dodged puddles and muddy spots. Got the kids out and back in quietly. Not too shabby.
Weekly team meeting, always a good time. Pick our students of the month.
Pretested linear functions. Turns out, the kids know almost nothing. But they know something. And some know less than nothing. And one kid knew almost everything. So now what? What do the next seven school days look like?
Stayed late (six-ish) to plan the linear unit for the next few days. Break through, big time. Stacking blocks like stairs and examining slope. Relating it to a graph. Trying to keep a nice flow in the day of me talking time and group working time. Want some choice and level differentiation in there as well... but.... time. Time continues to be my enemy.
Getting observed by new teachers tomorrow. What should I wear? Oh, and getting observed next week by my boss. Hmmm. 
Many little things not done. Forms to sign. Checks to mail. Emails to send. Things that get pushed down down down a list.
And tomorrow... tomorrow will take care of itself.